Trifecta Challenge 66: "Doctor"
Like the flickering torchlight, high-pitched muttering licked the shadowy corners of the stone-hewn room.
Like the flickering torchlight, high-pitched muttering licked the shadowy corners of the stone-hewn room.
“He’ll
never know the doctor’s in the batter, will he? No!” breathed the alchemist.
For
months, he’d been adding the subtle agent to the breading that coated the king’s
nightly snack of fried fish – just a few more grains of the powder each day –
and his wandering eye, which all thought blind, had espied the signs of the
poison in action. The sovereign had paled these last few weeks, and in his hair
and beard, more grey had appeared.
“Before
your time, before your time…” The alchemist worked the pestle slowly,
rhythmically in the mortar.
He
couldn’t stop the tyrant from claiming in marriage the young princess from the
neighboring kingdom, but he could make sure no heir came from their union.
“Last of your line, last of your line…” The wizened man was singing now, crooning to his lethal preparations.
“Here
now,” hissed the cook, arriving at the chamber’s half-open door. “Stop that
infernal whining. Anyone could hear. Anyone. You’ll give us away, damn your
bones!”
The
cook was fat, and ever-flustered and cross. He flounced past the oval table in
the center of the room, jostling its racks of flasks and pipettes into a
tinkling little symphony, and pulled up behind the alchemist, peering over the
frail old man’s hunched shoulders.
“You’ve
ground it fine enough,” he growled. “Now shift it to the paper. There’s no time
left. The fish is cut.”
The
alchemist tipped the mortar over an envelope he’d made of a sheet of writing
paper and, trading the pestle for a slim blade, carefully shifted the contents.
“The
fish is cut, the fish is cut…” sang the alchemist simple-mindedly.
“Yes,
yes, you daft old git. Now give us the paper.”
The
cook snatched the envelope, and without another word, exited the chamber.
The
alchemist stood and rinsed his hands at a small sideboard basin.
I'm very impressed with your story. The characters came to life through you words. That's not BS either. Wonderful words like 'flounced' and 'wizened'... and the pestle being worked 'rhythmically' in the mortar. Correct use of 'doctor'... I thought you were going for the other definition near the end, but you fooled me. This is the kind of story you want to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI like how you had the alchemist repeating words and phrases, like casting a spell. Like Tedstrutz, I enjoyed your word choices too, "wizened" and "daft old git."
ReplyDeleteI like this! Reminds me a bit of The Eyes of the Dragon. (:
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely loved this! I could just hear the alchemist singing a bit madly!
ReplyDeletejostling its racks of flasks and pipettes into a tinkling little symphony
ReplyDeleteAgreed, your words really bring this piece to life.
I, too, love your word choices, especially the descriptions of the cook and his actions.
ReplyDeleteloved the allusion to his wandering eye . . . a different take on the modern usage. :)
ReplyDeleteI love the voices and characters you've created. I feel like I'm in the room with them and following an interesting plot. Wonderful job.
ReplyDeleteSuch interesting, colorful characters! I liked this story a lot.
ReplyDeleteThe alchemist kind of scared me :) I liked how you were able to work in a good reason as to why they would want the king dead. It made me root for the poison to do the trick.
ReplyDeletewonderful word choices... i can really see the characters and play the scene in my head.
ReplyDeleteA royal conspiracy involving the cook & the alchemist-ah,loved it:-)Wonderfully captivating!
ReplyDelete