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Sunday, March 3, 2013

Verse First + Poetics = Moonshine Grid

The Poets United prompt is "patterns"...

And dVerse suggests this format -
 AB AB rhyme scheme in 10-syllable lines, with an odd duck 13-syllable line in between. 

Here's what Hobgoblin2011 has to allow about that one-off middle line:

The single line does not fit any of the criteria, it is thirteen-syllables (symbolic for bad luck) and delivers a third end rhyme (an odd number), one that will not find it’s match. So, in it, just by breaking form, we turn this line into the focus of the piece, it stands alone, and also acts as a recap of the stanza prior and a lead-in to the stanza yet to come. The fact it has no match is both symbolic of loneliness and foreshadows what will be. Then, there is the case of where the line is placed. The line splits the past and the future. It acts as a physical split to a poem where a break is indeed what takes place and lingers overhead, a symbol/metaphor once again. Yet being in between, it also adds symmetry and a mirrored effect, where the image is returned conversely.

I dig his involved conceptualization. So here's my (untitled) offering, which I'm also linking up with yeah write:

Cute Zen garden his boss says is 'foreign'
He patterns the sand with the rake a while 

It really works. He feels his breath. He calms, becomes still 

Opening the tiny book called Koan 
He loosens his necktie and his eyes smile


  1. ...sounds like a bit of relaxation & soothing moments in there...well wish i could grace myself with such...smiles...

  2. this is really good. Has a nice air to it. Definitely enjoyed the piece. Really glad you enjoyed the article, especially the conceptualization. Thanks for sharing with us tonight.

  3. nice...good when the boss can relax..usually his workers can as well then..also cool on trying something new and what a cool surprise when we discover that it works...looking for a zen garden now..smiles

  4. Wow, sand therapy. Must have pissed of the monks to have him jump into their garden! :-)

  5. i used to keep a sand garden...it was small...portable...my dad made it for me...and it is surprisingly therapeutic....

  6. This is very good. I love it when a poem manages fantastic characterization! Thanks for the read.

  7. I love how, in just a few syllables, you had me conjuring complex images and back story.


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